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Rejection From A Fool Is Cruel

A couple of times in the last few weeks I’ve received rejections from Residencies.

Afternoon Walk Music: "Barracuda" by Heart
Afternoon Walk Music: “Barracuda” by Heart

Friday, April 21, 2017

In all honesty, I’m only interested in applying to the “best” or the ones that will be most likely to end in a positive result down the line. I took that approach for graduate school and — thank Heavens — I got to where I am now. Things are highly improbable but not impossible.

"Queer Theory" Class...
“Queer Theory” Class…

I’m so pleased that I’ve made it this far in my endeavors without truly, deeply giving up hope. One of the art residencies, for instance, only takes applications once a year and I have, as of now, applied for five years straight. After getting into graduate school, I didn’t feel as bad about not getting into this residency, especially given that the number of applicants is around two thousand (I was applicant 16-hundred something). I’ve become so cold and accustomed to rejection, at this point: It’s easy to take.

Critical Issues Class
Critical Issues Class

I also know now that whatever opportunities I get will be because I am talented and earned them. Luck isn’t so much my friend, but Perseverance is. I can take it, and I’ve (so far) been blessed enough to be even able to have the time and resources to do this work!

Every time I receive a rejection — or think about applying for another opportunity in that typical way — I also realize that I have to work harder. It has taken a long time to “figure out” this so-called “Art World,” and I know mostly that there’s not much to figure.

I’m finally headed towards Summer. There are a few things that I need to finish for school: Namely getting through this Queer Theory class. I was about to say, “dreadful,” but it’s not that. It was simply much too intellectual for the amount of intellectual effort I was willing to put into it. In any case, the teacher is “pretty” chill. I should think about maybe making a video(?) but I’d have to do that this weekend, with all of the things that are happening, before that.

Yesterday I conducted a rehearsal for a performance with one of my classmates. She is a second-year student, a graduate of Harvard, and a smart and sweet, if only vaguely mysterious, woman. She has the look of Ally Sheedy in The Breakfast Club without the sullenness. I’ll be in the window of the new building that the school has built for the Performing Arts and Visual Arts programs. I’ll be holding the pupil of an eye for a face that will be made in the windows of the building.

Also, I’m continuing to evolve. I’m done with the first year and I have learned a lot. I still, STILL need to get a platform. I’m terrified of it, but I realize it’s important to getting out of the rut of all of the artists that are out there. Every year, more artists are pumped out of art schools — even prestigious ones, so I need to be out there and more prestigious than other people and get out there. And I’m working on it. More about that, later.

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